Waiting for a Cab

I used to say that the more you keep on looking for something in your life, the more it gets away. I was on my way to the office last Friday, and since it's not yet payday, i can't afford to get a cab. Instead, i prefer to ride an fx to makati which is 3 times cheaper than riding a cab and from my previous experiences, it is very hard to get a cab from our place. But on my way out from our street, I saw an available cab trying to get a passenger from our place but I ignored it. When I’m already at the main street, I saw 2 cabs just passed by without any passengers. Why do they have to fool me like this when during those times that I need them, they are nowhere to be found. Grrr

I just realized, well, trying not to get mad early in the morning seeing those cabs pass by, that waiting for a cab is like waiting for your partner in life. You assume all those that pass by you are available knowing in the end that either they are attached or just one of those people that does not want commitment. At my age, not that old as I claim, I get tired of just flirting around or having short term relationships. I can’t claim though that I’m mature enough to handle relationships but I believe I am capable of loving and maintaining that feeling (as long as my partner maintain the feeling as well). I guess it’s more of the mind than the heart that’s functioning (ok, some people may disagree; let’s just say 50-50). Coz before I’m more of the heart rather than the mind, that’s why I usually end up alone, crying, heart broken.

I’m not that good looking, I know, but it sometimes makes me rethink if it’s the looks or how I handle relationships that I can’t end up with the one I love. Coz I mostly see couples wherein I have better looks but they seemed happy. Isn’t it that I can’t make someone happy? Or his partner’s just happy with how he looks (ok that’s mean I know, I’m a bad person).

I use to watch sad movies when I feel bad just so I could cry, ALONE. That’s me torturing myself. But I feel better the next day, revived, replenished, and alive again. Ready for the next search. Should I search, or should I pretend not to look so that person will come along? Coz I’m afraid that if I stop searching and go with someone that is just there waiting for me, I might miss the one that I’ve been waiting for, just like the cab.