A Friend in the Audience

Do you remember wind beneath my wings song by bette midler? I know it's a mushy song but just think about the song lyrics, or even just the title, Wind beneath my wings. Have you ever been a wind beneath someone's wings? Or are you the type who always needs the wind beneath your wings? I think I'm both. hehe :)

I once watched a performance of a friend on a bar and actually had fun even if I'm really not a rock fanatic. Probably just because my friend is playing, but that's not my point. I saw one of the friends of the performer on the audience. He was there in front. Imagine how rock bands perform it's usually loud and people would either body slam at each other or raise their hands and punch in the air or just light a lighter and burn everything that burns? That's the scenario. But this friend just stands there, seldom moved and even yawned a few times. But the thing is he's there. For me, I would appreciate him more, going to the gig and watch the performance even if he's sleepy or not interested with the type of music or what, rather than those people that you know likes the music and likes to party.

The same friends also talked about how the friend in the audience had to go to so much trouble just to pick up and cross states and got pulled over by a police just to pick up the band member friend.

I suddenly realized, this friend in the audience epitomizes the wind beneath my wings song. Always there to catch his friend, support everything he does and all. I'm like that, as I usually claim, but it always turns out the other way around (sorry friends but thanks). I suddenly missed my bestfriend when I saw these 2 friends doing everything for each other and supporting their decisions, their choices in life and understanding their mistakes and shortcomings. And that's love.

Before the performance had it's last few songs, the band member friend reminisces their time, he and the friend in the audience, of their school days. Before the narration ended, he dedicated the song to the friend in the audience.

Moments Of Love

Moments of love, close beside you in the warmth of the heart..all through the night..

It was a lonely night and i had to go out and keep my mind away from so many things.. then you came and said hi.

It’s just you and me..making music to the beat of our heart Lost in the stars..

The night seemed to have gone so fast as we both enjoyed each other's company. You told me about your past relationship that just recently failed. I noticed how deep you are as i also noticed how you capture me by just looking at your eyes. That night, when we got really intimate, I thought it was just a one night thing..

Moments of love Bringing us closer together...

We started seeing each other again after we exchange numbers on the first night. I often texted you and there was one time that I told you that I care for you... But after 2 or 3 meetings I decided to stay away..I'm not sure why I did that but I thought it was best for us to stop getting closer.. But it hurts me...

Sweet memories Sweet memories I know we’ll remember forever Moments of love...

After a month or two, I got a text from you asking me if I'm going to the bar we first met and I told you I'm not sure. Then you started calling me. I decided to pick it up and it was you. You started by saying "I wanted to greet you personally but if you won't be going out tonight ill just greet you.. Happy Birthday". It was the eve of my birthday. I decided to meet you that night and hang out together. I told you alibis on why I was out of reach the past weeks. Then you asked me to give you my hand and I asked why. You just insist on me giving you my hand. So i gave you my hand, you closed my hands by your left hand that was holding my wrist and your right hand is getting something from your pocket. You didnt show me what you took from your pocket until you've placed it in my wrist. A bracelet with the sign of Pieces - my zodiac sign. That night was one of our sweetest kiss.. the sweetest I have had for my birthday.

My love and my friend I can tell you all the things that I feel our love is real...

You started working on a different company so I bought you a something that you promise you'll use at work. We started dating and shared some passionate times. You started telling me about your life and how life has been tough to you. We ended up crying in the middle of the street. That's when you touched my face and took away the tears in my eyes.

Here in your arms, i feel just like i could do anything, you've given me wings...

Your family problem started to worsen and made you leave Manila and go to the province. I told you I care so much about you but our relationship hasn't clear for both of us and I decided that when you come back, I will not see you anymore. I started dating another and you kept on texting me but I didn't answer.

Moments of love bringing us closer together...

One time you texted me, after 2months, and I suddenly felt missing you and replied to your text. We started texting each other again after that and reminisce what happened to us. We started seeing each other again and felt so secured this time of what we feel for each other.

Sweet memories, I know we'll remember forever...

We go out with your friends and my friends and had been open with our relationship to them. When you asked me one night why i left, I told you i feel unsecure with us as a couple. You suddenly felt sad and asked me "so what we did was just nothing?" I started questioning myself and felt a sudden shock. You did that because you love me. I asked you if you love me and you said "no...I dont just love you..I love you very much" That statement you sealed with a very intimate kiss.

On your birthday, I treat you for a dinner with some common friends and that's when we kissed for a couple of minutes, for a couple of times, in front of our friends. We shared Christmas and New Year. That was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Faded photographs and letters Signed I love you Promises we made together And dreams that came true Dreams that came true...

We promised not to leave each other and that we'll stay close whatever happens. But started not showing up. You said you're sick and still recovering. I always tried to contact you but I started losing you. I just learned from some friends that you left the country. That was the lowest day of my life and started crying for nights. I even tried to catch you on places that we usually hang out hoping that one night you might show up but all of that were false hopes. You're gone.

And day after day we'll fill our lives with moments of love..

Sometimes i feel like wanting to see you again. Sometimes I'm angry to you but my feelings still make me want to forgive you and have you back again but all of it was just a dream. I've met someone but it's still you that I'm thinking about and started hurting that someone. Why do you have to leave? Why do you have to keep me hanging? Why do you say you love me so much and then leave me?

Bringing us closer together..Sweet memories...

After almost a year, I'm not sure if I'm fully recovered from losing you. It still hurts but probably not as hurting as before. It's just that everytime i remember what we have shared, what we have done which I thought was long lasting, the hurt always comes back.

Now, you've come back. I'm not sure if I wanna wish to see you again or talk to you again. If ever that will happen, only destiny could tell and only our feelings can tell by then if the moments we had is now part of the past.

I know we'll remember forever.. Moments of love...

Autumn In New York

Circa 1990s

It all started with a dream - to watch a concert at Madison Square Garden. I was 13 when my sister used to watch Mariah Carey's major concert at this arena that triggered my want to see this cool concert hall by myself. My cousin, who also likes to watch at MSG, made up what we thought was a silly-unattainable dream then.

August 2007

I tried to look for concerts at MSG. And I saw that Maroon 5 will be performing on Oct 10th. So i immediately purchased a ticket not thinking for a second that I'll be alone, I have to book a flight and a hotel. So I was able to purchase it. I immediately told my lead and asked for a leave.

October 2007

The weather was varying everyday in Chicago and it was difficult to define what to wear everyday. It was sunny in Chicago when I left to Midway Airport. The flight was fine until we reach the NY skyline.

It suddenly became bumpy and when I look out, there were towers of clouds around our plane and the turbulence was bad. When the plane reached the airport, it was really cloudy outside. I took a cab to my hotel which is by the way in Brooklyn. The neiborhood was good, people are more of Mexican-American, just like my Chicago neighborhood. The L train was just outside my hotel which will take me 12 -14 stations before i reach Manhattan. I decided to go to downtown at around 7pm and I am still overwhelmed with the feeling - I am in New York City.

It literally do not sleep. The city was full of travellers taking pictures of the famous wide screen billboards at Time Square, the MTV store, the Hershey's and M&M stores, Hard Rock NY, and the Toys R Us store which i actually enjoyed. I went first to dine but after I finished eating the rain suddenly poured really hard. everyone was running for shed. I thought this is bad. I just decided to look around where i could spend some time and let the rain stop. I saw Ripley's Believe It Or Not and decided to get in. It was fun, especially the Black Hole where got so dizzy. But when I went out Ripley's it's still raining. I felt tired and decided to just went back to my hotel first. I took the F train going to 14th St then transfer to L train to my hotel. I stayed a couple of hours at the hotel and went out again after the rain stopped. I went back to Manhattan to look for bars. It was around 12MN but the city is still full of people walking around, making out on parks which now I doubt if it's just the rain that makes the park wet or them. I tried one of the bars and find it just like our(my friend and I) favorite dance club. It was a lot of fun seeing NYers dance, everyone danced even if they're alone and find it fun. So i decided to hop in and explore the dance floor. I stayed there until at 4AM when the lights were turned on which is a signal that the bar was closing. I felt really tired and decided to go home, I actually want to look for other bars but my feet hurts already, and was suprise to find that NY subways functions 24hrs.
The next day, I decided to go back to Manhattan to see the city during the day and the only difference is time. The crowd is the same, the lights are the same (only noticeable the night before since it's night), energy is the same, the effect on me is the same. My itinerary for the day was packed, Liberty Island, WTC site, Central Park and MSG during the night.

So i went first to see the famous Liberty statue. They said that you must always come early if you want to ride a ferry going to the Liberty Island and I was there at 3pm so I told myself i'll just look from afar. But there's no line for the ferry ride so I was able to take the 3pm ferry ride and was able to get a closer look of the statue, which by the way gave me goosebumps. The trip was suppose to take us to Ellis Island too but it was closed then so the ride only took an hour instead of 2. Then I went to see the WTC site which is still full of travellers looking at any remnants of what used to be the highlight of Manhattan skyline.

Manhattan Skyline minus WTC

I also saw some testimonials of survivors and loved ones of the heroes/victims of 9/11 and one statement struck me "I'll never forget where I was that day". I will never forget this day.

I went back to my hotel and failed to go to Central Park (too bad) since the concert starts at 730pm. I left my hotel at 630pm and prayed that I would be able to reach MSG before 730. So I went off the train at 14th St. and MSG is at 32St. But I can't waste any moment waiting for the next train or a cab. So i decided to walk and find that NYC blocks are smaller than Chicago blocks and just took me 10-15min for an 18-block walk. And when i reach the arena itself, people are still coming in and the first front act was still playing. The 2nd front Act, The Hives was really good. They really make a good noise (from them and from the crowd). It was 9pm when the turns went up and saw a big letter "M" with the lower middle of the letter is lighted with a different color to emphasize on "V" (which is 5 in Roman numerals by the way). Maroon 5!!!



It was a sold out first Major concert of Maroon 5 at MSG and the band was really overwhelmed with it. One from the audience even throwed a bra at them. It was really worth it to be there. And it's worth the wait.

The next day, my last day in NYC, I woke up early to buy some "pasalubongs" from NY. The only thing I could say is that nothing's cheap. The taxes are higher than Chicago taxes. Thank God I brought enough cigarettes until the duration of my trip. I bought chocolates at hershey's, shirts at Hard Rock NY and MTV store. Visited the M&M stores and Hollywood. But at around 2PM it started to rain really hard. The only day that didn't rain during my stay in NY was during the Concert day. But It mostly rained. I even saw in the news that some flights were delayed.

I hurried back to my hotel since my my flight is at 6PM and I also can't go around anymore with the very cold rain. When I got to my service, which by the way looks like a limo, it started to rain really hard and the traffic on the expressway was really bad. Luckily, I reached the La Guardia Airport. Unluckily, my flight was CANCELLED. Everyone on the airport was getting really pissed off with the way the airline is accomodating everyone. And I was assisted by one of the slowest person I've ever met. The other people working at the airline was able to give a 6Am flights the next day to other people on the same flight with me but she was able to give me, after almost 30 min waiting at her counter, a 12NN flight.

Although I was still lucky coz the one that drove me to the airport gave me his number and brought me back to my hotel and just paid enough amount for the night. I came to realize that I still have another night in NY (although I have to work remotely the next day). So I just went out and made a very wild night and have tasted more than enough of NY, much better of the previous nights I had.

I woke up at 8AM the next day, and realized I'm not in my room.

The Loner Cloud

I went for a smoke this afternoon at our apartment balcony and nothing thrilled me except this piece of cloud in the sky. I went to look around and realized it's the only cloud floating from my 180degree view. I watched it run across the sky. How it manages to enjoy himself alone, without anything to bump or join with. But upon its enjoyment, it learns to scatter itself across the sky and occupy as much as it can, although it's just like 2% of the total sky capacity. Running and scattering further, it turns out it is losing it's essence, its value, itself. After 5 minutes or so of looking at it, it suddenly loses everything and finally, not a bit of it can be seen by my naked eye.

It's funny how this cloud affects me so much, it affects me how it gave me a realization - i'm like the cloud. Alone, not with somebody. I thought it was fun at first, but I suddenly came to my senses that I'm starting to scatter and wander around. How it feels like to be on every corner knowing that no one will bump with me or join me and get a part of me. It's true, it fun at first. AT FIRST. But when I come to realize that my thoughts are shattering, my body is shattering, my life is devasted, I never knew that being with somebody else doesnt always mean suffocation or losing a part of you. You lose a flake of your dead skin cell when you hug, you lose a saliva when you kiss, you lose a sperm when you have sex, but it's never fun to lose everything with nobody.

I always thought I was the bold one, the independent guy, the one who can always live alone and can stay alive without depending on others. I always employ that personality. But i honestly cant. It's freedom, you surely bet it is. But its not permanently fun. At some point, there's a realization that people, like clouds, are ment to be with someone. Friends, family, lover. Those old piece of crap that seemed to get a grip on your neck and strangle you, like them nagging about your responsibilities and obligations, are things that you'll miss when you travel alone. I suddenly realized that getting your freedom is not exactly the same as being alone. Coz with freedom comes happiness and being alone doesn't make most of the people, if not all of them, be happy.

I take a mental note to myself, although I'm kind of in a state of emotional illness right now that remembering this kind of note would take time, that I will find the cloud that I wanna lose a part of me with and enjoy every second of it looking how my cloud pair/s enjoyed being with me and maintain my body unscattered across the sky.

Save the Last Dance for me

This is a song by the Drifters. I suddenly love this song when I heard it last night. Its oldies sound, the blending of the background vocals and of course, its a dance song...

You can dance
Ev'ry dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye
Let him hold you tight
You can smile
Ev'ry smile for the man who held your hand
'Neath the pale moonlight

But don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last dance for me, mmmm

Oh, I know (oh, I know)
That the music's fine
Like sparkling wine
Go and have your fun
Laugh and sing
But while we're apart
Don't give your heart to anyone

But don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last dance for me, mmmm

Baby, don't you know
I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never, never let you go
I love you oh, so much

You can dance (you can dance)
Go and carry on '
Til the night is gone
And it's time to go
If he asks if you're all alone
Can he take you home you must tell him no

'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arm's you're gonna be
So, darlin', save the last dance for me

'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arm's your gonna be
So, darlin', save the last dance for me, mmmm
Save the last dance for me, mmmm-hummmm
Save the last dance for me, mmmm

-== Acknowledgment ==-

I thought of looking for another word for "recognition" through Google and find "Acknowledgement " as one of the various meanings of recognition. I think about it and I agree, of course I won't argue with Google, that recognition is a form of acknowledgement. It's like a sign off, for the IT people, or a salute to a police officer who just busted a serial killer, or a smile from a third person after helping an old woman cross the street.


We often get recognitions, acknowledgements or whatever but probably we do not count it anymore as recognition since we value more of the recognitions from someone special, or someone higher or important in our life. I dont wanna lose my point though so I'll stop pretending that Im okay with just simple recognitions. How often does the president salute a PO1? If he risked his life and killed 10 or more terorrists? When have you seen Henry Sy or Lucio Tan cross roads with you and see you help that old woman that until now you're not sure why she is always crossing the road when you're there?


When was the last time you sat on a bar with your project CIO to have a drink and tell you and your colleagues how he is thankful to have such talented IT people and know how to work everything out? My last time was really overwhelming, and I have to warn you to CALM YOURSELF. Coz im not, all I could say is that "I'm very glad to meet you." Duh? sounds like Im having a heart attack after that hand shake.




The point is, this CIO haven't met me in person until that time, he never seen me work (what more if he did..hehehe) but never hesitated on telling us those kind words and be proud of us. But those people far under him, have seen me work (have let them down sometimes but with reasonable alibis of course) and most especially considered them as peers but never took time to recognize people. Im not sure if they find recognitions as a pacifier for people to be air heads or something. As if they would have to exert a big effort or spend money for saying "You've done a great job!" or "You save our ass! thanks!" or even just a "Whoohoo!".

I'm not sure if Im correct but the way I see it, they don't want to be the one acknowledging the people, they want to e recognized as well as part of the team. Am I right or am i so right?


Bribery doesn't work I tell you. It just pushes someone to do something he/she doesnt want to do bcoz of a cash prize or a starbucks coffee (which by the way lasts overnight). These people should know the difference between bribery and award. I know coz i got confused by this also at one point in my life.

All I can say is that, there's nothing hard with giving a tap, an applause from the team could be noisy but is much fun, or an email with all the people involve with the higher ranks. I can't see the point of holding these good things be known to everyone or at least inform the person/group how this was acknowledge by the higher group.

These people should learn how to value and acknowledge the people before its too late.

7232007 2:50PM PDT