Friendship - in its FULL Essence

Di ba friendship is the most basic form of relationship? Parang most of the relationship is patterned from friendship. Sa mag-ina o mag-ama dapat may respect. Sa magkapatid, dapat may understanding to avoid fights. Even with the professor-student relationship, dapat you know each other’s boundaries. Sa mag-jowa, most basic, dapat may love. Pero the most common thing na dapat all of these relationships,just like friendship, should have – it should be a 2-way thing. Yes, there may be times that both of you should go the same way if the other one needs you. But if your friend needs you, hindi naman cia obligation pero you should be able to adjust din and try to go your friend’s way.

I feel bad when people tend to say you have no obligations to your friends (coz I’m more bias when it comes to my friends) kse prng nagiging less priority ang friendship pag sumingit na ang other types of relationship. Just becoz you have more obligation to be with your gf for example. Well in fact, wala naman kau kasulatan na kapag naging Gf mo cia you should prioritize her more than your friends. Ang kasulatan nyo lng naman ng parents nyo is your birth cert na wala namang na-state na you have an obligation to them. JUST LIKE FRIENDSHIP, gets? So bakit less priority ang friends?

Another common thing, just like in a romantic relationship, there’s always someone na mas into the friendship than the other. Di ba they always say na you love your partner better than your partner does or the other way around. Same as friendship, may mga taong super andyan when you need them, in good times and bad times but the other friend tend to just be there on good times (paminsan lang pag bad). Which is, I dunno, might be tiring for the friend who is most of the time doing the effort?

Can friends be jealous? I usually do, possessive ako sa friends. Mas possessive pa nga ata ako sa friends kesa sa jowa e. Of course, there are levels naman. Pro same as other relationships, jealousy is a demonstration of love. Yung fear na if your friend gets along with other people bka ma-take for granted ka na nya, things like that. And jealousy SHOULD NOT be misinterpreted always na nagf-fall na ung friend mo sau. Most of the time, it’s the attention and, as I said just few sentences ago, fear.

Have you felt abused or used by a friend? I did felt before. Akala ko nagiging friendly lang cia sa kin dahil I was able to understand ung problema nya and nakaka-help ako sa kanya. Well, there are friends naman talaga na ganun. It’s up to you kung how you react and you better gauge things correctly baka namimis interpret mo lang. This goes back to my point sa 2nd paragraph.

Selfish and selfless. Mahirap maging friends yang dalawang yan. May mang gagago at may magpapakatanga. It will end up na either or both e masasaktan. Much better kung minsan ung friend A is selfish and friend B is selfless tpos next time si friend A naman ang selfless at si friend B ang selfish. Pro hindi pa rin. Dapat both are selfless. Para walang (go back to paragraph 5).

And like any other types of relationship, pride should not go each other’s way especially during fights. No one should sleep na may galit sa friend. I honestly can’t sleep pag alam kong galit sa kin ung friend ko or galit ako sa friend ko o nag away kmi. Confrontational akong tao e. Coz most of the time you get to know your friend more when you’re fighting (as I always say, just like other relationships). And you get to fix things on the same day. But try to confront when the tension subsides na. And try to have an open mind so you could understand your friend and why naging ganun ung reaction nya or nasabi nya or whatever. And don’t forget to say sorry kahit hindi ikaw ung may kasalanan (of course kung ikaw naman tlga dapat ka magsorry) and try to tell your friend why you’re saying sorry. Sorry is synonym to please – it is a magic word. Difference lang, please makes something done, Sorry makes all mistakes undone.

Ang point ko lang with all that I have said is that friends are all those people that care for you (your parents, your sister, your brother, your boss, your partner) and those that you consider as friends should be treated the same way as everyone else. Walang, "friend ko lang naman yan", or "wala naman kaming relasyon", or "andyan lang naman cia e". The worst thing you could ever do to a friend is to disregard him dahil hindi mo cia kailangan and acknowledge him pag problemado ka. Spell Karma. I treasure my friends and they fill my bottle first before everyone else becoz I consider everyone important to me as my friends.

Waiting for a Cab

I used to say that the more you keep on looking for something in your life, the more it gets away. I was on my way to the office last Friday, and since it's not yet payday, i can't afford to get a cab. Instead, i prefer to ride an fx to makati which is 3 times cheaper than riding a cab and from my previous experiences, it is very hard to get a cab from our place. But on my way out from our street, I saw an available cab trying to get a passenger from our place but I ignored it. When I’m already at the main street, I saw 2 cabs just passed by without any passengers. Why do they have to fool me like this when during those times that I need them, they are nowhere to be found. Grrr

I just realized, well, trying not to get mad early in the morning seeing those cabs pass by, that waiting for a cab is like waiting for your partner in life. You assume all those that pass by you are available knowing in the end that either they are attached or just one of those people that does not want commitment. At my age, not that old as I claim, I get tired of just flirting around or having short term relationships. I can’t claim though that I’m mature enough to handle relationships but I believe I am capable of loving and maintaining that feeling (as long as my partner maintain the feeling as well). I guess it’s more of the mind than the heart that’s functioning (ok, some people may disagree; let’s just say 50-50). Coz before I’m more of the heart rather than the mind, that’s why I usually end up alone, crying, heart broken.

I’m not that good looking, I know, but it sometimes makes me rethink if it’s the looks or how I handle relationships that I can’t end up with the one I love. Coz I mostly see couples wherein I have better looks but they seemed happy. Isn’t it that I can’t make someone happy? Or his partner’s just happy with how he looks (ok that’s mean I know, I’m a bad person).

I use to watch sad movies when I feel bad just so I could cry, ALONE. That’s me torturing myself. But I feel better the next day, revived, replenished, and alive again. Ready for the next search. Should I search, or should I pretend not to look so that person will come along? Coz I’m afraid that if I stop searching and go with someone that is just there waiting for me, I might miss the one that I’ve been waiting for, just like the cab.

Chasing Pavements

I've made up my mind
Don't need to think it over
if I'm wrong I am right
Don't need to look no further
This ain't lust
i know this is love but
If i tell the world
I'll never say enough
Cause it was not said to you
And thats exactly what i need to do
If i'm in love with you

Should i give up,Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up
And fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

Should i give up,Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Should i give up,Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

On the Edge

They said that love can only be true
When the one you love loves you too
And with all the hassles of falling and breaking
Love will always keep to mend the feeling

We’ve been hurt before, been hurt many times
But we always go to that same situation and didn’t mind
Probably because we grow with the heartaches we’ve felt
And move on with the lessons we’ve learned

There may be times I would still cry
And end up searching for the one I used to like
But reality would always appear
That the one I used to love will never be here

I kept on asking, “what is my destiny?”
But no answer came, even in my dreams
So I just stayed and let myself go
To where the wind would bring me to grow.

I should have known where this feeling leads
But my heart is screaming what it really needs
To love and be loved in return
Though it always ends up on something I can’t repair

Keeping to myself all the sadness I’m feeling
Makes it harder for me to let go of this hurting
I can’t breath and eat, can’t even go to sleep
And gives me crazy thoughts of jumping off a cliff.

It hurts me to know that things won’t work out
It even hurts that it’s still you that I love
But I believe that everything’s gonna be fine
I just wanted you to still be there in that time.

I want to keep you in my arms tonight
I want to hold your hands and hold it tight
Coz it may be the last time that I could let you know
How much I love and need you so.

A Friend in the Audience

Do you remember wind beneath my wings song by bette midler? I know it's a mushy song but just think about the song lyrics, or even just the title, Wind beneath my wings. Have you ever been a wind beneath someone's wings? Or are you the type who always needs the wind beneath your wings? I think I'm both. hehe :)

I once watched a performance of a friend on a bar and actually had fun even if I'm really not a rock fanatic. Probably just because my friend is playing, but that's not my point. I saw one of the friends of the performer on the audience. He was there in front. Imagine how rock bands perform it's usually loud and people would either body slam at each other or raise their hands and punch in the air or just light a lighter and burn everything that burns? That's the scenario. But this friend just stands there, seldom moved and even yawned a few times. But the thing is he's there. For me, I would appreciate him more, going to the gig and watch the performance even if he's sleepy or not interested with the type of music or what, rather than those people that you know likes the music and likes to party.

The same friends also talked about how the friend in the audience had to go to so much trouble just to pick up and cross states and got pulled over by a police just to pick up the band member friend.

I suddenly realized, this friend in the audience epitomizes the wind beneath my wings song. Always there to catch his friend, support everything he does and all. I'm like that, as I usually claim, but it always turns out the other way around (sorry friends but thanks). I suddenly missed my bestfriend when I saw these 2 friends doing everything for each other and supporting their decisions, their choices in life and understanding their mistakes and shortcomings. And that's love.

Before the performance had it's last few songs, the band member friend reminisces their time, he and the friend in the audience, of their school days. Before the narration ended, he dedicated the song to the friend in the audience.

Moments Of Love

Moments of love, close beside you in the warmth of the heart..all through the night..

It was a lonely night and i had to go out and keep my mind away from so many things.. then you came and said hi.

It’s just you and me..making music to the beat of our heart Lost in the stars..

The night seemed to have gone so fast as we both enjoyed each other's company. You told me about your past relationship that just recently failed. I noticed how deep you are as i also noticed how you capture me by just looking at your eyes. That night, when we got really intimate, I thought it was just a one night thing..

Moments of love Bringing us closer together...

We started seeing each other again after we exchange numbers on the first night. I often texted you and there was one time that I told you that I care for you... But after 2 or 3 meetings I decided to stay away..I'm not sure why I did that but I thought it was best for us to stop getting closer.. But it hurts me...

Sweet memories Sweet memories I know we’ll remember forever Moments of love...

After a month or two, I got a text from you asking me if I'm going to the bar we first met and I told you I'm not sure. Then you started calling me. I decided to pick it up and it was you. You started by saying "I wanted to greet you personally but if you won't be going out tonight ill just greet you.. Happy Birthday". It was the eve of my birthday. I decided to meet you that night and hang out together. I told you alibis on why I was out of reach the past weeks. Then you asked me to give you my hand and I asked why. You just insist on me giving you my hand. So i gave you my hand, you closed my hands by your left hand that was holding my wrist and your right hand is getting something from your pocket. You didnt show me what you took from your pocket until you've placed it in my wrist. A bracelet with the sign of Pieces - my zodiac sign. That night was one of our sweetest kiss.. the sweetest I have had for my birthday.

My love and my friend I can tell you all the things that I feel our love is real...

You started working on a different company so I bought you a something that you promise you'll use at work. We started dating and shared some passionate times. You started telling me about your life and how life has been tough to you. We ended up crying in the middle of the street. That's when you touched my face and took away the tears in my eyes.

Here in your arms, i feel just like i could do anything, you've given me wings...

Your family problem started to worsen and made you leave Manila and go to the province. I told you I care so much about you but our relationship hasn't clear for both of us and I decided that when you come back, I will not see you anymore. I started dating another and you kept on texting me but I didn't answer.

Moments of love bringing us closer together...

One time you texted me, after 2months, and I suddenly felt missing you and replied to your text. We started texting each other again after that and reminisce what happened to us. We started seeing each other again and felt so secured this time of what we feel for each other.

Sweet memories, I know we'll remember forever...

We go out with your friends and my friends and had been open with our relationship to them. When you asked me one night why i left, I told you i feel unsecure with us as a couple. You suddenly felt sad and asked me "so what we did was just nothing?" I started questioning myself and felt a sudden shock. You did that because you love me. I asked you if you love me and you said "no...I dont just love you..I love you very much" That statement you sealed with a very intimate kiss.

On your birthday, I treat you for a dinner with some common friends and that's when we kissed for a couple of minutes, for a couple of times, in front of our friends. We shared Christmas and New Year. That was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Faded photographs and letters Signed I love you Promises we made together And dreams that came true Dreams that came true...

We promised not to leave each other and that we'll stay close whatever happens. But started not showing up. You said you're sick and still recovering. I always tried to contact you but I started losing you. I just learned from some friends that you left the country. That was the lowest day of my life and started crying for nights. I even tried to catch you on places that we usually hang out hoping that one night you might show up but all of that were false hopes. You're gone.

And day after day we'll fill our lives with moments of love..

Sometimes i feel like wanting to see you again. Sometimes I'm angry to you but my feelings still make me want to forgive you and have you back again but all of it was just a dream. I've met someone but it's still you that I'm thinking about and started hurting that someone. Why do you have to leave? Why do you have to keep me hanging? Why do you say you love me so much and then leave me?

Bringing us closer together..Sweet memories...

After almost a year, I'm not sure if I'm fully recovered from losing you. It still hurts but probably not as hurting as before. It's just that everytime i remember what we have shared, what we have done which I thought was long lasting, the hurt always comes back.

Now, you've come back. I'm not sure if I wanna wish to see you again or talk to you again. If ever that will happen, only destiny could tell and only our feelings can tell by then if the moments we had is now part of the past.

I know we'll remember forever.. Moments of love...

Autumn In New York

Circa 1990s

It all started with a dream - to watch a concert at Madison Square Garden. I was 13 when my sister used to watch Mariah Carey's major concert at this arena that triggered my want to see this cool concert hall by myself. My cousin, who also likes to watch at MSG, made up what we thought was a silly-unattainable dream then.

August 2007

I tried to look for concerts at MSG. And I saw that Maroon 5 will be performing on Oct 10th. So i immediately purchased a ticket not thinking for a second that I'll be alone, I have to book a flight and a hotel. So I was able to purchase it. I immediately told my lead and asked for a leave.

October 2007

The weather was varying everyday in Chicago and it was difficult to define what to wear everyday. It was sunny in Chicago when I left to Midway Airport. The flight was fine until we reach the NY skyline.

It suddenly became bumpy and when I look out, there were towers of clouds around our plane and the turbulence was bad. When the plane reached the airport, it was really cloudy outside. I took a cab to my hotel which is by the way in Brooklyn. The neiborhood was good, people are more of Mexican-American, just like my Chicago neighborhood. The L train was just outside my hotel which will take me 12 -14 stations before i reach Manhattan. I decided to go to downtown at around 7pm and I am still overwhelmed with the feeling - I am in New York City.

It literally do not sleep. The city was full of travellers taking pictures of the famous wide screen billboards at Time Square, the MTV store, the Hershey's and M&M stores, Hard Rock NY, and the Toys R Us store which i actually enjoyed. I went first to dine but after I finished eating the rain suddenly poured really hard. everyone was running for shed. I thought this is bad. I just decided to look around where i could spend some time and let the rain stop. I saw Ripley's Believe It Or Not and decided to get in. It was fun, especially the Black Hole where got so dizzy. But when I went out Ripley's it's still raining. I felt tired and decided to just went back to my hotel first. I took the F train going to 14th St then transfer to L train to my hotel. I stayed a couple of hours at the hotel and went out again after the rain stopped. I went back to Manhattan to look for bars. It was around 12MN but the city is still full of people walking around, making out on parks which now I doubt if it's just the rain that makes the park wet or them. I tried one of the bars and find it just like our(my friend and I) favorite dance club. It was a lot of fun seeing NYers dance, everyone danced even if they're alone and find it fun. So i decided to hop in and explore the dance floor. I stayed there until at 4AM when the lights were turned on which is a signal that the bar was closing. I felt really tired and decided to go home, I actually want to look for other bars but my feet hurts already, and was suprise to find that NY subways functions 24hrs.
The next day, I decided to go back to Manhattan to see the city during the day and the only difference is time. The crowd is the same, the lights are the same (only noticeable the night before since it's night), energy is the same, the effect on me is the same. My itinerary for the day was packed, Liberty Island, WTC site, Central Park and MSG during the night.

So i went first to see the famous Liberty statue. They said that you must always come early if you want to ride a ferry going to the Liberty Island and I was there at 3pm so I told myself i'll just look from afar. But there's no line for the ferry ride so I was able to take the 3pm ferry ride and was able to get a closer look of the statue, which by the way gave me goosebumps. The trip was suppose to take us to Ellis Island too but it was closed then so the ride only took an hour instead of 2. Then I went to see the WTC site which is still full of travellers looking at any remnants of what used to be the highlight of Manhattan skyline.

Manhattan Skyline minus WTC

I also saw some testimonials of survivors and loved ones of the heroes/victims of 9/11 and one statement struck me "I'll never forget where I was that day". I will never forget this day.

I went back to my hotel and failed to go to Central Park (too bad) since the concert starts at 730pm. I left my hotel at 630pm and prayed that I would be able to reach MSG before 730. So I went off the train at 14th St. and MSG is at 32St. But I can't waste any moment waiting for the next train or a cab. So i decided to walk and find that NYC blocks are smaller than Chicago blocks and just took me 10-15min for an 18-block walk. And when i reach the arena itself, people are still coming in and the first front act was still playing. The 2nd front Act, The Hives was really good. They really make a good noise (from them and from the crowd). It was 9pm when the turns went up and saw a big letter "M" with the lower middle of the letter is lighted with a different color to emphasize on "V" (which is 5 in Roman numerals by the way). Maroon 5!!!



It was a sold out first Major concert of Maroon 5 at MSG and the band was really overwhelmed with it. One from the audience even throwed a bra at them. It was really worth it to be there. And it's worth the wait.

The next day, my last day in NYC, I woke up early to buy some "pasalubongs" from NY. The only thing I could say is that nothing's cheap. The taxes are higher than Chicago taxes. Thank God I brought enough cigarettes until the duration of my trip. I bought chocolates at hershey's, shirts at Hard Rock NY and MTV store. Visited the M&M stores and Hollywood. But at around 2PM it started to rain really hard. The only day that didn't rain during my stay in NY was during the Concert day. But It mostly rained. I even saw in the news that some flights were delayed.

I hurried back to my hotel since my my flight is at 6PM and I also can't go around anymore with the very cold rain. When I got to my service, which by the way looks like a limo, it started to rain really hard and the traffic on the expressway was really bad. Luckily, I reached the La Guardia Airport. Unluckily, my flight was CANCELLED. Everyone on the airport was getting really pissed off with the way the airline is accomodating everyone. And I was assisted by one of the slowest person I've ever met. The other people working at the airline was able to give a 6Am flights the next day to other people on the same flight with me but she was able to give me, after almost 30 min waiting at her counter, a 12NN flight.

Although I was still lucky coz the one that drove me to the airport gave me his number and brought me back to my hotel and just paid enough amount for the night. I came to realize that I still have another night in NY (although I have to work remotely the next day). So I just went out and made a very wild night and have tasted more than enough of NY, much better of the previous nights I had.

I woke up at 8AM the next day, and realized I'm not in my room.